Maybe I'm not the one who lost the most
by Angelica R
Summary: [7x10 & 7x15] : "I grew up" You tell Anastasia. "I turned bad", you also think. And, as you look at your sister, it's difficult for you to remember the reason why you hate her so much. Because, after all, you weren't the only person who lost a lot of things through the years. Even if she doesn't know it, she did." Drizella finds back Anastasia. Past StepQueen mentioned.


Maybe I'm not the one who lost the most.

[7x10 & 7x15] : "I grew up" You tell Anastasia. "I turned bad", you also think. And, as you look at your sister, it's difficult for you to remember the reason why you hate her so much. Because, after all, you weren't the only person who lost a lot of things through the years. Even if she doesn't know it, she did." Drizella finds back Anastasia. Past StepQueen mentioned.

Drizella took a deep breath.

Now, here she was.

It was the moment where she would finally see her sister again.

She was not sure she was really ready for this.

 _§§§§_

You begin to walk into the hall and you can't help but think that it's a bad idea.

You don't want to see her again.

For Anastasia is the one you learned to hate as years passed, as your mother stopped paying attention to you, stopped _loving_ you, it's because of her that you began to believe that you didn't worth it, and…

And she is your _sister_.

The one who _always_ looked after you when you were both children, and when you were _lost_ , when you mother was _gone_ and when you didn't know what to do about it.

She loved you as much as a sister could love her sister, and unlike your mother, she never _hurt_ you, never _betrayed_ you, never _destroyed_ you.

And she still loves you, because she is your sister, your _family_ , and this is what the members of a family do, well are _supposed_ to do – to think about your mother's indifference still hurts you. You wish you could feel nothing about it. You wish you were able not to _care_ – that is to say, _care_ about each other.

She loves you, and you know it, for she doesn't know anymore who you are, who you _became_ , and that's maybe for the best for you, since you're going to use it against her.

You're going to betray you big – no, _little_ now _,_ compared to you, she is just _so_ _little_. Just a child. Nothing else – sister, and there is a part of you who doesn't want to do this, but you reject this one the most far away from you that you can.

There is a voice in your head, looking much like Regina's, and you hate her at this moment, you hate her for being able to still have such influence on you, _after all these years_ , after your break-up, after the pain, the rage, the _betrayal_.

After what happened, what was broken, what _you_ broke.

You don't listen to her.

You stopped doing this many years ago.

 _§§§§_

The plan is simple.

To get to Anastasia, and take her powers, just as she took _everything_ from you, everything you ever had, your mother's love, and all these other things.

The plan wouldn't be _so_ _damn_ _simple_ , if Ana was not such an innocent, naive, _foolish_ girl.

But she is more than that.

She is one of the better people you ever knew, she is a brave girl, she is pure of heart, she is kind, and…

(And she is your sister, and now, you're the monster of the story.)

 _She is here_.

Anastasia is there, in front of you, not being different, as if nothing ever changed except you, and she is frowning at you.

"Drizella ? She asked you, rapidly recognizing you, _as if you never changed_. And for some seconds, your breath just _stops_. Is that… you ?"

She hesitates, as if she was not believing her own eyes, as if she was realizing that something was wrong, and the part of you which still loved her _so much_ just wanted to tell her to run and escape the monster in front of her.

The monster being _you_ , but she doesn't know it yet.

But she will.

There is something in your eyes, a light, that Ana doesn't recognize.

What is it exactly ?

You don't even know it yourself.

Guilt ?

Sadness ?

Love ?

 _Hope_ ?

It doesn't matter.

You will take everything from her, and send her to Gothel.

That's it.

"I know, I grew up, you tell Anastasia. I promise, it's me."

 _And at the same time, it's not me anymore_ , you almost add.

 _I changed too much these last years._

 _You shouldn't trust me_.

"I grew up" You tell Anastasia.

"I turned bad", you also think.

And, as you look at your sister, it's difficult for you to remember the reason why you hate her so much.

Because, after all, you weren't the only person who lost a lot of things through the years.

Even if she doesn't know it, she did.

First, she lost her father, as you did.

She has no idea that Marcus is dead, after all.

And you don't tell her, you don't want to hurt her too much.

Maybe that, in a very much twisted way, you still want to _preserve_ her, despite what you think is hatred that you feel toward her, because after all she is a just a freaking child who doesn't deserve you to hurt her.

She lost her mother to darkness, and you will it so your mother will _never_ get her back, more because you want to hurt her than because you want to hurt Ana.

But she will get hurt in the process, of course.

And finally, she lost you.

She lost everything, just as you, and, at this moment, you realize you're not the only victim in this story.

Your anger against her stops you from thinking about it, and you decide it's time to destroy her.

 _§§§§_

You're a _bloody_ _idiot_.

Gothel betrayed you, made you fall, and you should have seen it coming, right ?

Your mother _dies_ for you, and it's certainly something you _never_ saw coming.

She _loved_ you.

In a wrong way, but she did, in the end.

Now, you hate Gothel, you hate yourself for what you did, and you ask both Ana and Regina for forgiveness.

You know it will not end well.

Now, it's time to fix your mistakes, and go and save Ana from the bloody witch who took everything from you.

The witch you believed in and just let you on the ground.

All of this is your fault, as well as hers.

 _§§§§_

Ana is there, ready to kill you, hatred, rage and incomprehension in her eyes, and _hell_ , you think that you clearly deserve it.

There are so much things you want to tell her, that you're sorry, that Gothel manipulated you, and you know that it's just half-true, since you decided to do this by yourself.

You want to tell her about the rage, the hatred, the _darkness_ , that invaded you after you realized that _Mother_ just wanted to see you dead, _for_ _her_ , you want to tell her that nothing was her fault.

But Gothel's.

You want to tell for Regina, for the good moments between the two of you, for the _love_ , for the light, for _everything_ good the witch brought to you, you want to tell her how you betrayed her, what you did to Henry, and how much you regret it.

You want tell her about Gretel, about what happened, about this friendship which could have been _true_ and _real_ , but which never happened because of _Gothel_.

You want to tell her what kind of monster you are, and you want to apologize for what she lost.

You both lost so much things, maybe it's the time to stop it.

She is stronger than you, you realize, when she decides not to end your life, and when you hug her in your arms, it feels like _coming_ _home_ , _finally_.

You just hope that her and Regina will be able to forgive you.


End file.
